What if seeing isn't believing

I look in the mirror I see myself eyes large, expressive, friendly, cute round nose, full lips and yet it seems I don't see me. Sometimes I feel attractive and intelligent, skilled and able. Other times, most of the time I feel the opposite of all those things added to which would be confusion and a feeling of being lost.

So how are we suppsed to see ourselves really see ourselves, this past week i've been glimpsing myself through other people's eyes and because its a person I would like to be and feel i'm not I can see myself trying to get another explanation a not so positive explanation...seeing is not always believing.

However I am getting there and it can be difficult, lonely and frustrating but I am committed to the journey and will keep on looking and searching until I can believe in what I see when I see me.

Embracing the crazy

I feel like i'm going a little crazy or confused or having a really uncomfortable out of body experience. Oh I think i am settling on mid mid life crisis 29 with 4 months until the big 3..0. Its not like i'm dreading hitting 30 its just there are things i want to do and I'm not 100% sure what they are and where I want to go and what i want to do as a career.

Today being (according to Chinese tradition) the luckiest of days I bought a lottery ticket and in true visualisation style I started to write what i would do with 1 Million pounds, after scribbling until a natural stop I looked over my list and realised that i don't need a Million for most of what I want to do. One desire surprised me; to rent out my flat and move to Ghana but it feels right.

So at the moment I am going through a strange addiction to buying travel tickets to far off locations the most recent being a desire to go to the Philipines, I will be going I don't know how wise that is but its something I really want to do.

So at the moment I think I will embrace my crisis revel in it enjoy it and deal with the aftermath when i'm 30!